Almost every morning my kids either wind up in my bed, or quite frankly they started there in the first place. This didn’t start until they were 3-ish. I’m a big believer in independent sleepers, but I have to admit, bedtime snuggles are the best!
I try very hard to be super quiet in the morning so that I don’t wake them. A good night sleep is everything for little people. This particular morning started off like any other, and during my morning prep to take on the day…. here she comes. Her hair all over the place, her hands covering her tiny eyes, staggering in to the bathroom. She looks up at me and in the sweetest, cracking little early morning voice says, “aren’t you going to sleep with me mommy?”
Every cell in my body just screams when she says this. I want to squeeze her little cheeks and smush her – let her know that I’ll never leave her. So of course I scoop her up and I say, “of course I will lay with you sweetie, let’s go back to bed.” We lay down in bed for five or 10 minutes, and I know if my eyes even half shut that I will be out cold in seconds. With my warm little two-year-old in my arms. But how do you say no to that little face? How do you say no to her plea for mommy to lay with her?
This is just another example of that crushing mom guilt that we all face every day. That separation, that divide of having to make a living so that you can buy your children everything they want and need, but also having enough time to be there as a mommy. I hate that I leave the house every day and go to work and come home for dinner. But I also know that building my career is going to offer us a future of fortune.
I lay with her for a few minutes until I think she’s asleep, then I make my way back into the shower. I love my job, I really do. I love being a working mother, but it’s finding that balance. And every now and again my children have a way of reminding me to focus on that balance.